Men's Initiative for Jane Doe Inc.

Speech for Jane Doe, October 5^th, 2000
Domestic Violence Awareness Month Rally
State House Steps, Boston Ma

Craig Norberg-Bohm
Chairperson Board of Directors, Emerge, Inc.

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Hi everyone, you look wonderful,

I am so glad to be here and to have the honor and opportunity of speaking with you.

I am here to bring a message to men. There is so much we need to talk about. I see some men here with us today, and I feel proud you are here with me.

I speak in part as a victim of men's violence, my first sexual experience was at the hands of a male predator. My father at that time was unapproachable and silent, and in this way, he taught me his silence. This is something I need to talk about.

I see in front of me other male victims of violence and I want you to know that I do see you, and I want you to know that there exists growing care and support in the community for your needs.   I know that 1 in 3 victims of childhood SA are boys and I also know that 1 in 5 victims of DV are men. These male victims of battering live in atmospheres of terror. They deserve our compassion and our immediate service.

To men who are offenders I have a different message. I furiously oppose the violence you do. I know you can stop it.... and I also know that you need the help of your community to stay stopped and to live the alternative. We must change the way that men and boys become the offender and never hear the word stop from other men or boys. There is a contract of silence among us, men and boys.  This we all need to talk about.

To men who are neither victims nor offenders, I challenge you to acknowledge that this is your issue. Every one of us has someone we love and care about in our lives whose lives are completely altered because of violence.  Yet because of who we are we have the access and with it the responsibility to speak out. It is our job to raise these issues and challenge the status quo in places where our voices are heard, such as the board room, the construction site, the sports field, among our friends and in our homes.

I bring a report today about a growing community of men taking action. 25 years ago there were a few men here as well -- I was among them. We created batterers intervention clinics, sexual assault prevention education centers, course curricula and fatherhood support efforts.  Emerge as many of you know is among those early projects.

What is new today, is that we are daring to become public.   Becoming public, is to become known to your neighbor, to become known to your work mate, to become known to your family on our interest in change.

For example: Two years in a row now a float has been entered in the Gloucester July 4th town parade by a group called Gloucester Men Against Domestic Abuse, (a group affiliated with Men for HAWC) their message is that "hands are not for hitting", and last year a White Ribbon Campaign was mounted in Plymouth County where a good number of men took pledges of nonviolence, wore ribbons, spoke out and contributed dollars.  This was supported in part by the South Shore Women's Center. A project is underway in Chelsea among Latino men finding ways to reach men in their homes. This a joint project under the auspices of HarborCOV and the Commission for Hispanic Affairs. New interest groups like these are forming in communities of Lowell, Jamaica Plain, Newbury Port, and Lynn. This list is not exhaustive.

In the past we sought the safety and comfort of privacy. We kept our contract of silence. We are only now finding the courage to actually say out loud, to the people around us, that we oppose violence;  that I will not allow myself this violence, and that I will support you to do the same.

So I bring this message to the many men who agree in silence, who oppose violence, but remain true to the old contract.

We invite you to act, to join, to speak out.

Let's tear up that contract!

I've brought along a sign up sheet at the literature table over there. Please sign this list to obtain information on how to become active.

The call is to make ourselves known among men, to be visible in our struggle to end violence and power games in our intimate relationships.  We need to gather and talk among our family and friends about how we can make change, about how we can hold one another true and accountable, about how we can help one another to become and remain nonviolent, cooperative, respectful and absolutely very proud of it.

I'm appalled and in fact terrified of what men do in relationships.  At the same time I'm not at all surprised.  The violence we aim to stop is the perfect personal tool allowed us in our culture to be somebody, to be powerful, to make a difference. To be, in the worst sense of the words, a man. It is about these questions that we must talk. It is about helping one another make new choices for ourselves, for our children, our daughters and our sons.

Please join us.

Thank you.

Reference: "Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence",  Patricia Tjaden, Nancy Thoennes.   Findings from the national violence against women survey. 8000 women, 8000 men. NIJ/CDC, July 2000.